Conversations with the big sister are always the best. 

When is it the right time to let go of someone? Here’s the dilemma. Many say “never give up on the ones you love,” while others say “if you love someone, set them free.” ENOUGH. Which one is it? This is not romantic love that I speak of, I actually have zero experience in that realm, but the kind of love between friends. Great friends. Best friends. The kind of love that supports and holds while the other is going through a crisis. The kind of love that no matter how much they tear you down, you still want to continue that friendship. It is the kind of love that just remains, lingers no matter how much time has passed. I listened, I did not judge, I cared, I tried so hard. It is the kind of love that even after over a year, this continues to weigh heavy on my heart. 

I have been through the phase one of relentlessness, “I will not quit. I refuse. I will continue to reach out and hope that they come around.” But after that, it becomes exhausting, tiresome, and discouraging. In comes phase two, “That’s it. I am done. I can’t do this anymore. It’s up to him/her now.” I thought I was done with this and I had forgotten about it but as I sit here with a throbbing headache and The Neighbourhood in company, I cannot help but think about why. Why does this still seem so important to me? Why do they want nothing to do with me? Why did I say that? Why do I continue to think about it? 

One thing that breaks my heart more than anything is losing a dear friend. They have no idea how much that friendship meant to me and how much I valued and still value that person. Time and time again, I have tried to love but it is as if they simply do not want it. So what do I do now? Do I keep loving or do I just let go?

iojf asked: hey really cool blog and that one playlist you posted is way nice. (:

Hey thanks so much! I’m glad you like it :) 

I was talking to my aunt today about her adventures out in the world. 

With my thirst for travel and curiosity about people, this was the perfect opportunity to shamelessly pry. 

She spoke of changing skylines, riding curious vans, cold people, glorious food, cheap ventures, warm people, dancing the tango, train riding, and tour group avoiding. While witnessing her unlock memories from forgotten cities and cherished interactions I had no feelings of envy or resentment. If anything, my admiration and wonder had increased. The thrill and joy she obtained when telling these stories while sifting through a memoir of photographs and archived anecdotes brought me to a time ahead when I would be doing the exact thing with my niece or nephew. 

I watched longingly as glimpses of the past replayed in her mind and simultaneously imagined myself in future adventures. She had that look I knew far too well. It was that look that treasures what was but yearns for what could be. 

Future Self, remember how much you love watching and listening to others speak of their passions, stories, struggles, and adventures. There is much to learn from those around you. Take advantage of that and absorb every bit of it. 

Summer has returned and all I have is time so I think it is time I stop neglecting this blog.

Lately, my writing has consisted of adjusting resumes, scribing cover letters, and filling out applications. I have to start writing again. I have to start writing for myself again. I have forgotten the feeling of pouring my heart out through pen and paper, type and screen, without the worry of grade and format hanging over my head.

So let us stamp this as my rededication to being a diarist.
Let it be known.